America's Sweetheart opens up about embracing the present and mapping out her future.

"Two people can get lazy, comfortable, and the fantastic things you loved about each other become things you loathe. And if you don't deal with it, you lose sight of each other and end up thinking, If only we'd learned how to talk to each other instead of - not even consciously - playing games, we'd still be together. But sometimes you just have to go through things to learn that some relationships aren't going to last forever, that they're meant to teach you big lessons. That's certainly one I've had to learn."

No, Jennifer Aniston is not talking about her marriage to Brad Pitt. She's referring to her latest movie, The Break-Up, in which she and her reported latest love, Vince Vaughn, play a co-habiting couple who split up but continue to share the same apartment. "It's a very human story about relationships," says Jennifer, whose entrance into a Los Angeles restaurant is as low-key as her personal style: no makeup; messy, sun-streaked hair; a blue cashmere waffle-weave sweater by Marc Jacobs; a pair of "everyday" Generra jeans; labelless black boots nipped from the set of Friends.

"A romantic relationship can be like nothing else - if only because you put yourself in the uncomfortable position of revealing who you are to another human being," she continues. "The point is, married or not, you've got to feel safe with somebody, secure that you can show parts of yourself - dark, light, conscious, unconscious, rational, irrational - and know you're on a safe playing field. A relationship is fifty-fifty. Nobody is always at the top of their game; we all make mistakes."

Any romantic mistakes Jennifer may have made are now miles behind her. Though the tabloids haven't moved on from her divorce, she definitely has. "Frankly, I'm bored with the whole thing. Isn't everyone else?" she laughs with a dismissive shake of the head. "Especially today because it really, really has nothing to do with where I am." As for her current co-star, "I'm keeping my personal life off the table," she says. "Vince is a fantastic guy, and we're certainly friends, but as for those silly rumors, we are not engaged, not getting married at Oprah's, not rushing to have a child."

Jennifer does admit, however, that when the two met, there was an "instant connection. With certain people you just feel instant friendship," she explains. "And as an actor, Vince is one of the funniest people I've ever met. We had a ball making the movie, though with him at six foot five and me at five foot five, they had trouble keeping us in the same frame. I was constantly having to wear these incredibly high heels, which was like having a workout. And sometimes even that wasn't enough. I spent many an hour standing on an apple box."

If there are a lot of things people don't know about Vince, that's fine with Jennifer. "They don't need to. But he's a very deep human being, incredibly smart, loves history, is protective and very loyal to his family and friends. If you're his friend, it's for life, something I respect in a person. In fact, I have a great amount of respect for him in many, many ways."

Jennifer Aniston engenders those same sentiments. In a business fueled by pretension, she has none. In an industry famous for men calling the shots, she's called her own. In a childhood fraught with her mother's and father's traumas, she emerged the parent. "Lots of times," as she's put it, "I felt like a middle man taking care of two children" - starting at age 9. When her father, soap star John Aniston, walked out on her mother for another woman, he left with no explanation to his daughter. As for her mother, Jennifer has twice broken off communication with Nancy Aniston: first when she gave an interview about her famous daughter to a tabloid TV show, and then when she wrote a book about their relationship. "I didn't talk to my mother for two years, but then I was getting married and thought, 'She ought to know the man I'm going to marry. So get over it. If she can't apologize, I'll do it,'" Jennifer explains. "So we got together once, and it went great, except she neglected to tell me she was doing this book." The two are now in touch again, the result of Jennifer's picking up the phone during her own marital crisis, eerily reminiscent of her mother's. "One thing my parents' marriage taught me - my mother, actually - is to be independent. She didn't have her own life, other than her kids, so when my dad left, she was devastated. You have to have a career, a passion - a fallback position." At the moment, their rekindled relationship is "pretty fantastic, but we're taking it really, really slowly." Jennifer pauses. "No matter how small or ugly, there's always something to be learned, if only to say 'I forgive,' though, of course, you still have your moments of not forgetting."

These days, however, the actress in enmeshed in the moment, besotted by the freedom - on all fronts - she's so deservedly earned. After 12 straight years, "I don't want to work for a while," says Jennifer, who, "not tied to anything," is kicking back until fall, maybe longer.

"There are so many things I'd like to do: learn a language, perhaps investigate energy healing since part of me has always wished I'd been a doctor or scientist. And I'm definitely taking a really big trip. I feel like I haven't been anywhere" - largely due to her fear of flying. "What scares me is taking off, because I don't understand how the plane gets up there," she laughs. "I always remember TWA flight 800 in 1996 - I know the date, everything - exploding over Long Island 10 minutes after taking off. I've heard all about the aerodynamics, the speed, the engine, and I'm still nervous - though much better than I was. Of course, when your number's up, it's up. Maybe," she chuckles, "I'm just a control freak."

What she really aims to do, however, is get her "house in order" figuratively and literally. For the first time she is living alone - and loving it. "Before, I never had the chance: I was always with friends and roommates. If I had a night off, I thought, I don't want to be by myself. Now, getting older, I crave it. I even travel alone, take a week and go by myself to a hotel on a beach. Laying out in the sun is a year-round thing," admits the hard-core tanner. "Even during winter in L.A., I'm out there. And in hotel rooms I can completely entertain myself: read, watch movies, go to the spa, take a walk, just close my eyes and do nothing. Of course, I get a little lonely once in a while, but nothing's wrong with that. What's important is being able to sit with yourself."

And, presumably, think about your life. "I'll definitely marry again because I believe in it," she says, "though I've done some rethinking on what the institution of marriage means. Maybe I'm old-fashioned: I love the idea of two people declaring their commitment. But look at Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, Oprah and Stedman - how well they've done not doing it." Reflecting on her own emotional evolution, Jennifer pauses. "My biggest growth spurt was from 34 to 37. Until then you don't know enough to change. At 25, even 30, you're so tortured and defensive; it's always the other person's fault. Now I just feel so much wiser."

Not to mention that she looks even more beautiful - partially the result of an exercise program that includes yoga, an elliptical machine, a treadmill, and eight-pound weights. As for skin care, Jennifer relies on old faithful fare, used since childhood: Neutrogena bar soap and Dr. Hauschka. "I'm addicted especially to the holistic face creams, powder, and masks," she says.

Her hair, meanwhile, is finally getting back into shape after a disastrous bout with... hair extensions. In those think, lustrous trademark locks? "After Friends I wanted a different look, so I cut my hair. Obviously, I wasn't thinking clearly," she sighs. "So I decided to have a couple extensions, never knowing you end up with 400 things in your head that cause your hair to break off. Nothing destroys your hair faster than extensions. It's taken a year and a half to get my hair grown out."

Though her "comfort with edge" fashion style dictates "mostly jeans, flip-flops, boots when it's cold," the red-carpet favorite simply can't resist "a beautiful little black dress" - a color she apparently adopted early. "My aunt Helen always used to ask, 'Why don't you ever wear anything other than black?' because I always had on big black sweaters, pants, and boots. But for big events, I've also worn red, chocolate brown, navy blue, and white, which I thought I never would but I did at the Cannes Film Festival."

Though Jennifer "hates to shop," she makes an exception for jewelry. "I love it, especially Jennifer Meyer, whose pieces I wear in The Break-Up," she says, fingering at her neck a small gold medallion embossed with good-luck symbols. A Meyer design, it was a gift from a girlfriend, as are the four exquisitely delicate gold-and-diamond stacked bands gracing the middle finger of her left hand. "Five of us have been really close friends since before Friends," she says. "For my birthday they each gave me a ring representing themselves. I have my own one too, but I only wear four because it means they're always with me - after all, there's nothing more powerful than a group of women."

Indeed. And nothing is more powerfully attractive than the confidence and dignity Jennifer exudes today. Looking back over the past two tumultuous years, Jennifer is "very proud" of how she handled herself and where she is now. "I wouldn't change a thing because right now I am so happy. As for what I learned about myself, besides discovering again what amazing friends I have, well, a lot of it was bad. But I certainly have more awareness and compassion toward anyone else in the same boat. Mostly, however," she smiles, "I found out that I'm a pretty tough cookie."