Jennifer

Movie Quotes

- in order of their release
- this site is rated R (explicit language)

Leprechaun (character: Tory)

“That thing is a leprechaun and we’ve got to figure out how to stop it!”

“Nathan, that was no fucking bear.”

Dream for an Insomniac (character: Allison)

coming up soon

She’s the One (character: Renee Fitzpatrick)

Renee Fitzpatrick: Francis, I cannot remember the last time I saw your penis.

Picture Perfect (character: Kate Mosley)

“I can be a bad girl for you, Sam.”

“We had sex mommy! The really dirty kind!”

“Sam, you’re always going to be the guy at the restaurant, who, when he gets what he ordered, decides he wants what the other guy has instead.”

“Well, Ma, you’ll be happy to know that I am looking into having some eggs frozen.”

“I like men, men like me… but then somewhere in the last year or so, I’ve just gotten so screwed up.”

“I don’t want to date you, I don’t want to marry you, I don’t want to have kids with you, I just want to break up with you.”

The Object of My Affection (character: Nina Borowski)

“Don’t open the door for any gas men. Unless you think either one of us would be interested.”

“I like guys a lot, but I’m not going to waste my time with some guy that doesn’t see things the way I do… I mean do you really need this guy?”

“I want you to be with me, I want you to marry me, I want you to love me the way that I love you. I don’t really want to see who you are at all.”

“You don’t tell a woman that you love her and then two days later bring Romeo over to sleep with him.”

“You have to pick one person and make it work.”

“Freud didn’t know dick about women.”

“Have you noticed that you’re the only practicing heterosexual at your Thanksgiving dinner?” (Rodney Fraser) – “I haven’t practiced for a while.”

“I want to look at you and not feel so hurt by you.”

“Head up young person.”

“You can’t choose who you love.”

“Do you think most married couples are as happy as we are?”

Office Space (character: Joanna)

“How dare you judge me? Look at you. You’re just some penny-stealing… criminal… man.”

“Why don’t you call me when you grow up! Wait a minute, that will never happen, so why don’t you just not call me, yeah…”

“You know what, Stan, if you want me to wear 37 pieces of flair, like your pretty boy over there Bryan, why don’t you make the minimum 37 pieces of flair?”

“You know what, I do want to express myself, okay. And I don’t need 37 pieces of flair to do it.” [flips off Stan]

The Iron Giant (voice) (character: Annie Hughes)

“Strange. He’s so tight-lipped now, and yesterday he wouldn’t stop talking. I mean, hundred-foot robots and whatnot.”

“So, he wants us to hold the mustard and the mayo. How about just hold the flavor altogether?”

“Hogarth, we’ve got to rent a room this year if we’re gonna make ends meet, and no one wants to live in a place with shredded upholstery.

“You’ll never know he’s there. I’ll keep him in a cage…” (Hogarth Hughes) – “…until you feel sorry for him and set him free in the house. You remember the raccoon, Hogarth? [Shudders] Oooooh! I remember the raccoon.”

Rockstar (character: Emily Poule)

“Oh no no… I could make you a pair of those. But first you gotta tell me what you shove in there to make people think you’re a guy.”

“Rob, I’m a business woman, and rule number one in this business is you go where the talent is… and all the fucking talent that was in this band has just left the room!”

The Good Girl (character: Justine Last)

“After living in the dark for so long, a glimpse of the light can make you giddy. Strange thoughts come into your head and you better think’em. Has a special fate been calling you and you not listening? Is there a secret message right in front of you and you’re not reading it? Is this your last, best chance? Are you gonna take it? Or are you going to the grave with unlived lives in your veins?”

“As a girl you see the world as a giant candy store filled with sweet candy and such. But one day you look around and you see a prison and you’re on death row. You wanna run or scream or cry but something’s locking you up. Are the other folks cows chewing cud until the hour comes when their heads roll? Or are they just keeping quiet like you, planning their escape.”

“Like sitting on my couch with your big blue ass. Everything just turns to shit. You finally get nice things, then everything just gets messed up.”

“I went to the doctor. He says I’m fertile. He says I could repopulate the entire planet.”

“I hate everyone here. I hate Gwen. I don’t know what the hell she’s so happy about. I’m sorry I don’t understand why maniacs get shotguns and shoot everybody to pieces.”

“How it all came down to this, only the Devil knows. Retail Rodeo is at the corner on my left. The motel is down the road to my right. I close my eyes and try to peer into the future. On my left, I saw days upon days of lipstick and ticking clocks, dirty looks and quiet whisperings. And burning secrets that just won’t ever die away. And on my right, what could I picture? The blue sky, the desert earth, stretching out into the eerie infinity. A beautiful never-ending nothing.”

“That day I read the story Holden had wrote for me. It was kinda different from the other ones but kinda the same. It was about a girl who was put upon, whose job is like a prison, and whose life has lost all meaning. Other people don’t get her, especially her husband. One day she meets a boy who is also put upon and they fall in love. After spending their whole lives never getting got, with one look they get each other completely. In the end the girl and the boy run away together into the wilderness, never to be heard from again.”

“Holden gave me two of his stories to read. It was more like the story of what a story would be. It was about a boy who was put upon; whose mother is cold and selfish and whose father wanted him to play football. Other people didn’t get him. Especiall girls. Soon enough the boy comes to believe that no one can ever really know him. He starts acting out, drinking and taking all kinds of drugs. At the end the boy kills himself by jumping over a bridge. The second story was pretty much the same as the first expect at the end the boy kills himself by drinking a bottle of bug poison.”

“I’m just this woman.”

“I was looking at you in the store and I liked how you kept to yourself. I saw in your eyes that you hate the world. I hate it too.”

Bruce Almighty (character: Grace Connelly)

“Oh, it’s not going to hurt. In fact I think you might find it quite pleasurable.”

“It’s weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?”

“Debbie won the lottery. [...] But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17.”

“You know that everything happens for a reason.”

“Bruce, you promised that you would help me with this photo album. Now, you get your goofy butt over here!”

“Oh, no, no, no. Honey, no, no. Oh gosh, please don’t put that in your mouth. We don’t eat that. Oh, that’s not food. Oh, go to the bathroom, please. Wash out your mouth. Wash off your hands. God, I swear that kid is gonna poop an ornament.”

Along Came Polly (character: Polly Prince)

“You wanna come upstairs and have sex? … I’m kidding!”

“I’ve been living my life, okay? I’ve been in good relationships and I’ve been in shitty ones… and I’ve moved alot… and I’ve been happy, and I’ve been sad… and I’ve been lonely… and that is what I’ve been doing. Which is a lot more then I can say for some freak, who thinks he’s gonna get the Ebola virus from a bowl of mixed nuts.”

“I am not on the non-plan plan!”

“No, kind of coming out of like 8 bad relationships, huh-uh.”

“He’s not my boyfriend! We went on like three dates.”

“Good! I’m just calling to say that I’m free tomorrow night if you want to get together… Yeah! I would love to get together. That would be great! Should I pick a restaurant or..? Oh, no. No, no, no, no. No. You know what? I should probably just check my schedule and see if I can even do it… OK… I’m… did you say you were free? … Yeah, no. I’m actually not sure. But OK. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

“You ever hear of a guy shouting out ’50′ when he orgasms?”

“I’ve kind of bounced around to a bunch of different places over the past few years – Let’s see, Austin, Istanbul, Sri Lanka, Portland, Costa Rica, Buffalo, couple other places.”

“It’d be fun, so, you know, think about it. OK. So, uh, I’ll see you later – or not – I mean either way and oh – if uh, if you do come, you should wear comfortable shoes. That is, if you come, which you totally don’t have to – I mean, I might not even be there.”

“I mean I, uh, not that I, uh, I’d like to. It’d be great to catch up on stuff and all that, I just, I, uh, I got to check my schedule.”

“Oh God, no. No way. No. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’m not really big on the whole, uh, long term commitment thing.”

“That’s not a rat, that’s my ferret.”

“Well, big deal, Reuben, my dad had a whole second family! [...] Yeah, on Long Island. He had a wife, and kids, and a golden retriever!”

Derailed (character: Lucinda Harris)

“You’re kinda funny, aren’t you?”

“That bastard. Give me his number and I’ll prank call him.”

“Kiss me.”

“He threatened he’ll take my daughter.”

“Some people just don’t know how to appreciate what they’ve got.”

“Not everything was a lie, Charles.”

Rumor Has It… (character: Sarah Huttinger)

“You’re not even the most screwed-up person in this room!”

“I didn’t come here to tell you that I can’t live without you. I can live without you. I just don’t want to.”

“Maybe every girl in my family have to sleep with you.”

Friends with Money (character: Olivia)

“I would if I fucking could, Edie!”

“This is my friend. Now give her a sample!”

“Fuck that, everything hurts.”

The Break-Up (character: Brooke Meyers)

“It’s a sock, you asshole!”

“I think you’re just a little embarrassed that Richard kicked your ass.”

“That’s Van Gogh, you idiot. Your insults are much more effective when they’re accurate.”

“I just don’t know how we got here. Our entire relationship, I have gone above and beyond for you, for us. I’ve cooked, I’ve picked your shit up off the floor, I’ve laid your clothes out for you like you’re a four year old. I support you, I supported your work. If we ever had dinner or anything I did the plans, I take care of everything. And I just don’t feel like you appreciate any of it. I don’t feel you appreciate me. All I want is to know, is for you to show me that you care.”

Management (character: Sue)

“This is completely inappropriate. This is like a violation. You’re violating my personal space, you’re violating my life. I can’t do this, I have to be somewhere. I’m late.”

“I’m not good with people.”

“It’s insane. I let you touch my butt and then you fly all the way across the country.”

“You see that girl over there? She works for Burger King, she gives me vouchers every week and I pass them out. That’s what I do.”

“What about kids? Do you want to have kids?” (Mike) “You know what was really great about that Yoga class? It was the breathing stuff. I don’t do that. There are days where I have to instruct my heart to request additional air and I have to tell myself, ‘Breathe, Sue. Just keep breathing.’ Yes, I want kids.”

“Virginia. Virginia is for lovers. Maryland is for crabs.”

“I wrote you a Haiku. Do you wanna hear it? ‘Mike, oh Mike, my man Keeps showing up like UPS Sue, you’re such a bitch.’”

Marley and Me (character: Jenny Grogan)

“So, what do you think? What do you think that means? A blizzard on your wedding day? Is that good luck, is that bad luck? I think… I think it’s good luck.”

“You’re a part of the plan. Step one: meet an incredibly sweet, smart, sexy man. [Step two:] Marry you instead.”

“I want to give him something. Your Dad gave me this to celebrate the beginning of our family but our family had already begun. Goodbye, clearance puppy.”

“Marley’s not allowed to drink out of the toilet, you should just keep him out of the bathroom in general.”

He’s Just Not That Into You (character: Beth)

“Well, so you don’t… so you think it’s great that they’re getting married but you don’t ever feel like we’re going against nature or something by not getting married?”

“I just need you to stop being nice to me unless you’re gonna marry me.”

“Am I… will I be Al Pacino in this scenario?”

Love Happens (character: Eloise Chandler)

“It’s fun not knowing, isn’t it?”

“So then I’m your first since the divorce? … well, that’s good. Cause that explains a lot, really – ’cause that in there… Really bad.”

“If you had a brain in either head, you’d know that I’m doing what’s best for both of us.”

“Can I say something? And, and this comes from a place of total humility. With the acknowledgment that my life is a day-by-day experiment in… really bad decisions. But, er… you’re really messed up.”

The Bounty Hunter (character: Nicole Hurley)

“Why do people do that? Deny that they’ve ever done anything wrong in the relationship – why can’t people take responsibility for their shit and move on?”

“I am not letting you take me to jail.”

The Switch (character: Kassie Larson)

“Would you please stop having sex with your food?”

Just Go With It (character: Katherine / Devlin)

“Look at you two, it’s like Barbie and Grandpa Ken!”

“Hello, boring!”

“So, yeah. I’m a single mother. I have two kids I love more than anything in the world. I drive a Honda, I still have dial-up internet. I got a 2.7 GPA in college, not a 3.4. And while I’m at it telling the truth, I name my kids’ poop after you. And I work for Danny. I’m his assistant. That’s it.”

“He’s great, he’s the greatest guy, and I might even be in love with him, but it really doesn’t matter at this moment because he is getting married to another person, right now.”

“Devlin, I gotta tell you, last night, with the ass grab of the coconut, little bit of a red flag.”

“Why didn’t we try this truth telling thing before?”

“Oh I forgot, you’re 15.”

“Anyway, I got tired to them saying “I have to take a crap” and “I have to take a dump”. So I told them it was called a Devlin. And they liked it. And it stuck.”

“I’m just happy to hear that his thing-a-ding can still ring-a-ding.”

Horrible Bosses (character: Dr. Julia Harris, D.D.S.)

“Are you gonna slap me in the face with your cock?”

“You’re gonna give me that dong, Dale.”

“Let’s have sex on top of her. Let’s use her like a bed.”

“Just relax there, Jodie Foster. Your dick wasn’t even hard.”

“Let’s see if this thing is working. I’m sorry. I’m a squirter, Dale. You know what? I think I can make out our little friend right there. Oh, shabbat shalom, somebody’s circumcized.”

“You said that she was just a hole for your dick.”

“Dale, I know that I like to fool around at work, right? And I’m even – I might even cross the line a bit but the last thing I wanna do is make you uncomfortable. I mean, it’s just not professional. You know? And I pride myself on being a professional. So from now on what I would like you to do is just tell me when and if I cross the line, you know? Okay?”

“Ah, not naked, Dale. Can you see my pussy?”

“Starting to sound like a little faggot there, Dale.”

“Let’s cut to the chase. You’re engaged now and I respect the institution of marriage way too much to violate it. So that’s why you’re gonna have to fuck me well before the wedding. Because the closer we get to this date, the less ladylike I’m gonna feel about it.”

“You ever see that show Gossip Girl? I watched an episode last night. I fingered myself so hard to that Penn Badgley guy, broke a nail.”

“I want you to give me details, you pussy. Please be explicit.”

“Fuck my slutty little mouth.”

Wanderlust (character: Linda)

“He’s gonna make a suit out of our skin!”

“Ahhhh!”

“I actually feel like we’re a part of something that’s real.”

“I can fly. I believe I can fly!”

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