Jennifer on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno on June 12 2003, promoting Bruce Almighty

Jay: Let's get right to it. My first guest, Emmy and golden Globe winning actress, stars in the hit show Friends, right here on NBC, also starring in the new hit movie Bruce Almighty, please welcome the lovely Jennifer Aniston!

(Jennifer Aniston comes out, waves to the crowd and kisses Jay on the cheek then sits down)

Jay: Good to see ya!

Jen Hello!

Jay: Congratulations on your movie. This is what, it's $200 million or something now.

Jen: Isn't that crazy.

Jay: Is this your biggest movie ever?

Jen: Ever!

Jay: Yeah

Jen: I think if you add up every, the gross of every movie I've done it doesn't equal this!

Jay: Well, that's pretty good, that's pretty good.

Jen: That's pretty good.

Jay: You should be excited about that.

Jen: Feels nice.

Jay: Now, where did you just get back from? You were somewhere.

Jen: I was in, uh, Malta.

Jay: Now, Malta, now that's, isn't that near Spain or somewhere?

Jen: Yes, you could actually see Sicily on a clear day. It's below the boot, right below Italy and then you can see -- It's an absolutely beautiful, ancient, island.

Jay: Now why were you there, were you on vacation?

Jen: (sarcastically) Yeah, I was touring. No, I was visiting my husband.

Jay: Oh, that Brad fellow.

Jen: Yeah. Remember him?

Jay: Oh that's right. I remember he was, uh, he lost his citizenship and was thrown out of the country...

Jen: Yeah.

Jay: (con't) Now he has to stay on the island of Malta.

Jen: And we have to long distance, it's really hard.

Jay: What's he doing there? Is he doing a movie?

Jen: He's doing a movie.

Jay: Okay. What movie is he doing?

Jen: Called "Troy".

Jay: Oh, it's like a period thing?

Jen: Yes, it's a period piece.

Jay: What is he doing? What is he--?

Jen: He plays Achilles.

Jay: Oh, Achilles!

Jen: Yeah.

Jay: Oh, that must be -- Now does he come home in that toga and like --

Jen: In the leather skirt?

Jay: Yeah.

(The crowd goes wild, Jennifer smiles at the crowd)

Jen: I said, "Honey, that's one you're taking home."

Jay: Well that's cool.

(Jennifer starts laughing)

Jay: Now I know you a little bit, and I know you're definitely afraid to fly, or you used to be, 'cause that's as far as you can go.

Jen: Yeah, you can't go much farther than that.

Jay: Yeah, okay.

Jen: I mean, I felt like I was travelling for, days! But, um, er, you know, I'm getting better at the flying thing.

Jay: Love will do that.

Jen: Love will do that, when there's a will there is a way. And my girlfriends actually wrote me, um, uh, take-off, this is going to sound, really, really corny, but they uh, I had asked them to write me "take-off letters", like a note, to actually just, to distract myself, you know, so I wasn't (puts arms in the air and imitates a freaked out person)....

Jay: What kind of note?

Jen: (con't) constantly -- Just a little note, like something to distract me (put hands on her lap like she's reading a book) so I'm not, you know, listening to every sound of him turning off the engine once he's in the sky, which is what happens, right?

Jay: And your friends wrote these love -- ?

Jen: So they wrote these notes, and I'm expecting like little things just like, "Good Luck, take-off, have a good time" and I get like, these love letters from my girlfriends, and they're so, suddenly I'm weeping, weeping on this aeroplane in the, it's like, you know, (moves her hands to show what the plane and the seats are situated) the front of the plane, in these seats, one, and then another person and I look to my left and I swear to God I see this man, staring at me, and I'm looking at him, and he's looking at me, and I'm thinking is that the guy from "Wham!?" (puts hand up to show the ridiculous earrings) like --

Jay: George Michael?

Jen: Like, George Michael or the other guy? 'Cause he big hoops in his ear, and blonde bleached hair and it turns out, it was Michael Flattley, Lord of the Dance!

Jay: Oh! Was he flying with no shirt on, like he usually does?

Jen: No! (starts laughing) He had his shirt on, but um, yeah he's --

Jay: Did he get up (starts dancing in his chair)

Jen: (con't) He thought I was upset, 'cause I was crying. (sarcastically) Dance up and down the isles, to make me feel better, about the flying thing.

Jay: What I want to go back to is your friends, this interests me, 'cause it's sweet...

Jen: It's sweet. I'm a lucky girl I have the best girlfriends.

Jay: ...that does seem like a "girl" thing.

Jen: It's a "girl" thing.

Jay: I mean, I'm going on the road, Kev, will you me a note this weekend, I'm flying. (Pretends to write) "Dear Jay, our love will never..."

(Both of them start laughing)

Jen: It is corny, I know it sounds really corny, but, um, and I just told a lot of people (starts to laugh), but yeah, it was very -

Jay: Did any of them send any like self serving, like, "if something happens to you, how do I wait to date Brad?"

Jen: Do I get the car?

Jay: Yeah, you know, whatever

(both of them start laughing)

Jen: (sarcastically) Yeah, I want your car and uh, no, none of that.

Jay: So how did you deal, you on the plane, these letters can only carry you so far unless they were -

Jen: Well, what happened was, I was not realising they were going to pages, each one and I keep reading and then I go, "Okay well now I'm just cheating, because I'm well into the flight, and I just, I could've had two more take-offs and landings so save it."

Jay: Oh, save some for later

Jen: So, I saved for the next (points to her head)...leg of it. I weird people!

Jay: This is like a different, odd way of keeping.

(Jennifer starts laughing)

Jay: Do you get loaded on the flight? So, you're like --

Jen: (sarcastically) Yeah, loaded, they call me, yeah (pretends to "pop" pills) I'm popping pills and (pretends to drink), they call me Judy. (Fixes her top like she's proud of herself)

Jay: Do you take, I mean a lot of people take a medication.

Jen: No, I do actually, I just started, uh, you know, what is it, it's actually for stage fright, but I can't remember what it's called, but somebody said, "For stage fright", stage fright, not stage flight, which you know, it could be, theatre in the air. (Stops and think about it for a couple of seconds) For you know that on-air programming that they have on the TV's, I'll just get up and perform something...

Jay: Can I ask you something? Are you on any of those drugs right now!?

Jen: (laughing) No!

Jay: Well, I have to ask you something...

Jen: I'm moving, I'm so emotional right now.

Jay: (con't) I actually have to show you something. You know those headlines we do on Monday nights? People send us ads and odd things, this came from Mexico, (picks up a sheet of paper) this is from Mexico, this is out of a Mexican phone-book, isn't that your picture, for a Mexican massage parlour (shows the picture to the camera, it actually Jennifer Aniston's pictures from Rolling Stone she did in 1996, Jennifer starts laughing)

Jay: Isn't that you?

Jen: Yeah, that is me, I gotta see that.

Jay: Do you work in a Mexican massage parlour? Maybe when you're on the medication, you didn't realise -

Jen: That's really funny.

Jay: Have you seen this?

Jen: No, I've never seen that, I must, my subscription must have ended. Um,..

Jay: Someone took your picture and used you so guys are going in saying, (in a Spanish accent) "I want the girl from Friends!"

Jen: That's really funny, I actually, am a masseuse, I could be, yeah, but it's in my off-season, I'm a good masseuse.

Jay: Really?

Jen: Yeah, but I don't work here, (puts the picture down) you know this is what's interesting...

Jay: (laughing) You don't work there?

Jen: (con't) I don't work here, I quit that job a long time ago! (Picks up the page again) why are they still saying I work there!?

Jay: You know, when Friends ends, you'll have something to fall back on, you know.

Jen: You know it's like these shows, like "E!", I saw this awful, awful, (looks back to the wings) do we have time to say this? Sorry.

Jay: We'll just take a -

Jen: Okay, do you wanna take a break?

Jay: We'll just take a break and I'll ask you about that afterwards.

Jen: Alright.

Jay: More with Jennifer Aniston, right after this.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

Jay: Welcome, we're talking with Jennifer Aniston. Now you, uh, you were starting to vent about something, what was --?

Jen: I was, wasn't I? We were talking about the Mexican massage parlour. (Looks down to it)

Jay: The Mexican massage parlour you used to work at.

Jen: (con't) That they are falsely accusing me of working at, and, oh! I was just saying that, like those shows, there's this "E!" thing, that was, you know, you're flipping through the channels and all of a sudden, you're mortified when you hear (look towards the crowd with a "what the hell are they thinking of" face) "It's Good To be Brad and Jen", and all these like dollar bills falling (uses her fingers to imitate the dollar bills falling) out of the sky, it's like this cheesy awful thing. Then I decided, "I gotta see what this is" and there, I'm not kidding people, there is, hotels that we stayed at in Ireland, I never been to Ireland. Hotels that we stayed at in Rome, I've never been to Rome, or Italy, I've never even been, you know, uh, spas that we were at, the rooms that we stayed in, the luxu - laps of luxury, and I was thinking, "What an amazing life if that was actually, ours to have!" But you know, it's infuriating!

Jay: Maybe you were on that medication you were flying with.

Jen: (sarcastically) I must've been, I don't remember anything, no, it's annoying.

Jay: Let's talk about Bruce Almighty.

Jen: Let's talk about it.

Jay: Okay, now there's one scene there which is kinda funny, which made me, you know the one I'm talking about, where he plays God, and there's this scene when you wake up and go, "Hey I think my boobs are bigger!", that really made me laugh.

Jen: I figured that would make you laugh.

Jay: Yeah. Well -

Jen: You're, you're an easy sell.

Jay: I'm an easy sell, and I'm a guy.

Jen: And you're a guy. Yeah, those were fun to have, for a day. It's nice to have like --

Jay: They were fake?

Jen: (sarcastically) Yeah, they were mine!

Jay: I don't know, they just ---

Jen: They were huge! They were like those chicken cutlet things, you know?

Jay: (laughing) Chicken cutlets?

Jen: Yeah. And you put them in, and there was, I was very happy with my average sized breasts at the end of the day. (Starts laughing)

Jay: You wouldn't want to be one of those (shows big boobs with his hands)

Jen: No, it's just, they get in your way.

Jay: (sarcastically) Yeah, that's terrible.

Jen: I mean, not, they're beautiful, it's just you know, God makes your body a certain way.

Jay: (sarcastically) Yeah, and who wants that?

Jen: (Sighs happily) Okay. (Starts laughing again)

Jay: It's like men talking to women, "Yeah, who would want that?" "You're a freak!"

Jen: "Yeah, we like them small."

Jay: "We like them small", "They're for kids", that's right, exactly.

(Jennifer starts laughing again)

Jay: Now we have some outtakes, from the film, can we talk about, have you seen -

Jen: Yeah!

Jay: (to the crowd) How many of you have seen Bruce Almighty?

(crowd cheers)

Jay: (con't) Yeah, well there you go.

(Jay presses the button and the screen comes up)

Jay: Take a look at some of these, uh, take a look at some of these outtakes. Oh, this is the scene in the car. Now you must've been laughing the whole time.

Jen: He's the funniest person in the world.

Jay: He's crazy, isn't he? Oh, he's just unbelievable!

(Scene: Grace and Bruce are in the car. Bruce is dropping Grace off at the school.)

Grace: I've a very rare blood type. I am AB positive.

Bruce: Hmm. Sounds delicious.

(Jennifer cracks up as Jim pretends to suck on her neck like a vampire)

(Same scene, different take.)

Bruce: (puts his hand up and starts flaying his hand about, blocking Jennifer's face) There, are storehouses all over the, uh, tons of, stuff on ice and..(Jennifer puts her hand up and blocks out her face fully, then starts laughing)

Jim: Sorry

Jen: (laughing) You were like this (imitates what Jim was doing in the scene, then he joins in, the two of them start laughing)

(Same scene, different take)

Grace: They need my blood, I've a very rare blood type I'm AB negative.

Bruce: I'm IB positive.

Jen: Am I AB negative or AB..

Jim: (laughing) I don't know what you are anymore...

(Same scene, yet another take)

Jim: Positive! IB positive! Okay.

(Jennifer tries to start the scene again)

Jen: I've a rery rare (Realises she just said "rery" and stares at the camera)

Jim: (laughing) Oh! What's a rery!?

(Back to the Tonight Show)

Jen: (about the outtakes) That was, all the time.

Jay: Now was he singing around you all the time? He has a habit of singing.

Jen: He has an exquisite voice.

Jay: He breaks into song.

Jen: Right? He sang, uh, "Left The Cake Out In the Rain" that was pretty brilliant, he sang a Michael Ja- or a Bob Dylan song...as Michael Jackson. He's uh, uh, comic genius.

Jay: He is, he's very good. Now tell me about the rug burns (Remember when she was talking about the rug burns in the interview from the year before), now what happened? (Jen bows down and can't believe he remembered about the rug burns from the year before) You what I'm talking about? The rug burns on your back?

Jen: Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was, it was, uh, the first day of filming and, um, you know, Jim, likes to get physical and it was literally the end of the scene, and we, you know and I dive on him and we go down, and he elaborates and basically turned into a caveman, and (pretends to throw a leg over her shoulder) threw my leg around his shoulder and dragged me out of the room, And that was how we were gonna end the scene.

Jay: Oh this is not the audition (same joke from the 2002 interview) oh! I'm sorry, tell me about the end of the scene.

Jen: No, no but that got me the job (same response from the 2002 interview) uh, no, so, anyway, you're not feeling it, it's your first day, you're nervous, you're just saying yes to everything, 'cause, you know, alright (shrugs shoulders) I had rug burns all down my back.

Jay: Well, what did Brad say?

Jen: Yeah, it was hard to explain that one. But I, you know, he believed me and, uh (she and Jay wink at each other) and somehow, we're uh, still together!

Jay: Let's take a look, now what is this scene? (the TV comes up again) This is the uh, ...

Jen: Oh! This is the uh, um, yeah, (giggles and looks back to the wings, because she knows it's the "pleasure scene" and is embarrassed to say it) the uh, yeah, that scene.

Jay: Alright let's take a look! Bruce Almighty, here we go.

(Scene Bruce is running to the bedroom, Bruce kicks off his shoes)

Bruce: Let there be light (lifts his hands up and the candle comes alight, he blows out the lamp)

(He takes off all of his clothes in one go, except for his underwear)

Grace: (from the bathroom, putting on lip gloss) I'll be out in a minute!

Bruce: (walking towards the bathroom door) Don't rush yourself! Sometimes anticipation can heighten the pleasure! Pleasure, pleasurable!

(Grace falls down to the sink and giggles)

Bruce There's a funny thing about, pleasure! It can be quite pleasurable!

(Grace falls over and knocks off the toiletries, Grace appears at the door, like a cavewoman, then Bruce grunts like a caveman and he body slams her, Bruce elaborates like a caveman)

(Back to the Tonight Show)

Jen: That one hurt too!

(Jay imitates the body slam)

Jen: (to the crowd) That one hurt too!

Jay: That's pretty cool. Well the film is Bruce Almighty, it's uh, it's $200 million implying so it's uh -

Jen: Let's keep it going.

Jay: (shaking her hand) Congratulations! Jennifer Aniston! We'll be right back with Jeff Tyler, right after this, you gotta go right?

Jen: (getting up) Yeah.

Jay: Well, out you go, alright.

Jen: Am I attached?

(Jennifer hugs Jay and goes to the back)