The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, January 2004
, promoting Along Came Polly

[clip of Along Came Polly]

Jay Leno: Welcome back, we got a good show tonight! TV and big time movie star Jennifer Aniston is here, also American Idol Clay Aiken will join us... (crowd cheers very loud) ...if we have time. (crowd screams again but realizes that he might not be there and the screaming dies down) Me and Mister Jay, alright...Let's get right to it. My first guest is an Emmy, ehm Golden Globe winning actress who stars in the hit show Friends which is in ehm... (crowd cheers) it's in it's...is this the last season? Has NBC publicized all along? (male voice laughs) Have they any mentioned that it is ending this year? Wow.

Male voice behind the camera: I think so.

Jay Leno: Ok. She also stars in the Nr. 1 movie in the country, Along Came Polly. Please welcome, Jennifer Aniston, ladies and gentleman. (audience cheers, Jen walks in, shakes Jays hand, hugs him, claps er hands for the audience and sits on the couch)

Jennifer Aniston: Wooow. Aww...

Jay Leno: Hey, what a great year for you. (audience still cheers and screams at Jen, we can't understand what, though)

Jennifer: (screams back) Hey. Wooo. (turns back to Jay)

Jay: What's up with the long face?

Jennifer: Aw, Jay, don't start. (laughs)

Jay: Congratulations. It's been a great year for you, two hit movies with the biggest comedy of the year, 'cause with Bruce Almighty and, of course, now you have the Nr 1 movie this week in Along Came Polly.

Jennifer: It's all a good thing.

Jay: This is very good.

Jennifer: It's nice... to be liked ...(laughs) ... sort of, no, you know... (Jay and Jen laugh lightly)

Jay: He, sort of.

Jennifer: It's good. I'm cheesy.

Jay: The only people who really hate you, I guess,...

Jennifer: Well, it's just...

Jay: ...are the ferret people.

Jennifer: The fe... oh, ok...

Jay: : Tell people what this is about this is a huge thing.

Jen: Well Ben, I'm just about to sell Ben down the river, he started it!

Jay: He did! No he - he did start it.

Jen: No, we started it together. We were having fun, we were, it was a big mistake, we thoroughly offended the ferret community, and, um, and, he's actually an adorable little animal, and, uh, and, truly - we were just joking around, it was fodder, you know, it was just, we thought we were being funny, obviously we can't write our own comedy.

Jay: No wait, now Ben was on the show he, and he was just...

Jen: Oh yeah, that's right, I'm sorry.

Jay: He was very animate about not liking the ferret.

Jen: The ferret. And then he had to make a public apology?

Jay: Well, there's like a huge, ferret outcry.

Jen: There is.

Jay: I believe over, over 15 e-mails were sent.

Jen: (laughing) At least. And apparently one of them, them said, that we ruined the ferret's career, that it won't ever get hired, which I will vow, that I will hire the ferret.

Jay: You will, you will see him again.

Jen: I will, do everything in my power, to get, that, fire --, ha, fire...

Jay: It's like a fire ferret.

Jen: Ferret! More work. (Starts laughing)

Jay: What happened was, in the movie, you have a pet ferret...

Jen: Yes, that's blind.

Jay: That's blind, and I guess, the ferret, for whatever reason, bit Ben Stiller.

Jen: Bit Ben, but you know what, uh, so yeah...

Jay: And he's not like, a manly man.

Jen: He is a manly man!

Jay: Is he a manly man, oh...

Jen: He didn't bite back or anything...

Jay: Well, no, no, but he, he kinda, maybe overreacted and, started this, anti-ferret, brigade.

Jen: (starts to laugh) Hey, you know hat? Hey, if, if, if, you bet - bit Ben, I would be a little angry, with you...

Jay: Oh, is that right?

Jen: Yeah! If anybody bites something - someone, you don't love it, you know, it's like, "That thing bites!"

Jay: (laughing) Can you say, "fire ferret bit Ben", really quick? (Continues laughing)

Jen: No. (starts laughing) And I'm not gonna try to.

Jay: You know what's interesting. (Takes out a ferret magazine) It's actually; this is an actual real magazine...

(Jennifer gasps)

Jay: Ferret magazine.

Jen: Oh, that's it!

Jay: This is it.

Jen: Oh, that's funny.

Jay: This is it.

Jen: Yeah, there it is.

Jay: And believe you're in here, did you know that?

Jen: Well, we apparently made the cover.

Jay: No, you didn't make the cover...

Jen: We didn't, did they take us off?

Jay: No you didn't, you have to be a ferret to be on the cover.

Jen: Oh! I didn't understand, can I see?

Jay: You know, you're very beautiful, but you're no ferret, alright?

Jen: (laughing) Lemme see.

Jay: (opens it up) You in here.

Jen: Let's see me in the morning.

Jay: (showing it to the camera) You got a little weazly picture in the bottom picture there.

Jen: Really?

Jay: Yeah.

Jen: Aw, look a little weazly picture, holding the ferret! That's once in 5 minutes that, oh no, never mind

Jay: (Closing the magazine) But you could be on Vanity Fair magazine, that's another big one.

(Jennifer starts laughing)

Jen: (Sarcastically) Good one Jay. (Starts laughing out loud)

Jay: It's not my night. Now didn't you do the voice in the picture? Wasn't that the...

Jen: Well, no, uh, apparently, uh, it's the, the voice of the ferret and then they had some, some, looping, took a sound that I made and added it to the end of the sound (starts laughing), that I made...

Jay: What's, what's this sound?

Jen: It's of the ferret crying.

Jay: What was the sound?

Jen: It was some kind of high-pitched, like, (does this high-pitched squeal) sound. It's sort of actually the last sound in the movie.

Jay: And what were you doing to make that kind of sound?

Jen: Um, it happened when (Jay starts laughing) when Ben was on (Jennifer starts laughing 'cause Jay is giggling in the background), it's not the scene you're thinking of ...

Jay: No, no (starts to laugh and finally stops)

Jen: Um, it was when Ben was eating the nuts off the floor, or the street and I was saying, "Don't do that"...

Jay: Right.

Jen: And somehow that sound came out.

Jay: Oh! Okay, okay.

Jen: Isn't that a good story? (Smiles to the crowd)

Jay: It's a good story. And you hosted Saturday Night Live; you did a very good job on that...

Jen: Thank you.

Jay: Did you have fun?

Jen: I did.

Jay: You did? Have a good time doing that.

Jen: I did, I had a great time. It was fun. I love, love those people, there, I'm, uh, um uh, ridiculously impressed with what they do every week.

Jay: Oh! See now you're a very sweet and nice person, when they ask you to make fun of like Britney, or someone like that, how do you...

Jen: Yeah.

Jay: How do you, do you worry about that?

Jen: Of course! I, I, you know, I was mortified that, uh, er, uh, yeah it's hard, it's hard to make fun of people, 'cause your fear is -

Jay: Not it's not.

Jen: You do it every night! You really do!

(Jay starts laughing)

Jen: I know, I mean, how many times have you made fun of, me?

Jay: I don't think I've ever made fun of you.

Jen: Are you sure?

Jay: No. I've never --

Jen: Or are you just saying that, 'cause I'm sitting here.

Jay: I'm only saying that 'cause you're sitting here.

(Jennifer starts laughing and says something to the guy in the wings)

Jay: No, I'm trying to remember if I've ever done, no I might have done a hair joke in the past...

Jen: I think you did.

Jay: Oh! You think I did?

Jen: I'm trying to remember, I can't remember, oh maybe that was...

Jay: Do you hold a grudge? Are you the type of person who goes...

Jen: No! I don't hold a grudge.

Jay: ...goes like, (sarcastically) "Oh he made a joke about me in 1994, I'm gonna kill him!"

Jen: Let's hope Britney doesn't hold a grudge.

Jay: Oh, you think so?

Jen: No, but you never know. I don't know.

Jay: Yeah. Do you think of that while you're doing it? Did you ever say, " Well, this seems mean"

Jen: Yes! I do.

Jay: What do they say? "Screw you."

Jen: Yeah. They say, "Screw it. It's funny, it's comedy!"

Jay: Did you ever make fun of me?

Jen: Whaddya mean Jay? Why the long face?

(Jay picks up some tissues and pretends to wipe tears, as Jennifer turns to the crowd and starts laughing, the crowd is going wild with laughter)

Jay: Well that was very cruel.

Jen: (picking up her cup to take a sip, to hide her laughter, laughing) I'm so sorry.

Jay: "Why the long face" You've been saving that, look and you think that's funny, (Starts pointing to her, she puts her cup down and is still laughing) Look, no, you do, you think that's hilarious.

Jen: (laughing) I think that's kinda clever...

Jay: It is kinda clever.

Jen: But that, I learned that, that actually, that is a Matthew Perry joke, from, a long, long time ago, from before Friends, 'cause he and I are old friends, and it was for an actor that, he will, I will, his name will remain...

Jay: Alright.

Jen: But that, that's where that came from, I have to give him credit.

Jay: So you've just been carrying that all this way...

Jen: I've just been waitin'! (Starts laughing again)

Jay: ...waiting to say that to me, on national television. Alright, we'll be back with more of the cruel humour (Jennifer laughs even harder) of Jennifer Aniston, right after this.

(As the show goes to a break, Jennifer is still laughing)

COMMERCIAL BREAK

(The music is still playing as the show is coming back but you can hear Jennifer in the background saying....)

Jen: So, the "Queer Eye", they did all of this? (Pointing to the furniture)

Jay: Yes they did. (To the crowd) She just asked me, if they the "Queer Eye guys", you didn't even say the "Queer Eye guys", just, the "Queer Eye".

Jen: "Did the "Queer Eye"?" Yeah. It's plural.

Jay: Yes, the "Queer Eye" did do this. (Points towards the chair)

Jen: Yeah.

Jay: Do you like it? What do ya think? Does it work?

Jen: You know, I would, do, do it, a brighter colour. Personally.

Jay: What would you do? What would you do?

Jen: Uh, I don't know. Does that (Points to the other couch) look like; your skin, you just disappear into it, just disappear into it. Ah, God, I don't need to start this! (Jen and audience laugh)

Jay: No, no, no, no, I think, this is the kind of...

Jen: Well if I've started, the colour in the dressing room, doesn't flatter you skin...

Jay: It doesn't?

Jen: No. (Jennifer starts laughing)

Jay: Well if it doesn't flatter your skin, then -

Jen: No. Well, you know.

Jay: Well, let's talk about Friends now. You're pretty near the end...

(The crowd moans)

Jay: On no, people are upset.

(Jennifer looks like she's about to cry)

Jen: I know, isn't it awful? (Starts laughing anyway) It's heart-breaking, we shoot our...

Jay: Well, at least you get to see everybody; it's not like -

Jen: No, we will! You know, but it's, everyday! Everyday, for the last 10 years, and I love them, and um, Friday night is our last show, we shoot our last show.

(The crowd moans again)

Jay: And you have to keep this a secret now, until May.

Jen: Yeah. (Starts laughing) It's gonna be tough! No, it's, it's uh, be...

Jay: Did you tell Brad?

Jen: No, he really doesn't know. He doesn't know the last, coup - no he doesn't wanna know.

Jay: What about at night, like, (whispering) "Honey, what happens in the next few episodes?"

Jen: Yeah.

Jay: I mean, like in an intimate moment, he would say, (whispering) "Okay, what happens next?"

Jen: He would mad, if I ever, by accident mention what, something, that's going on, he gets upset, he'd be like (puts her fingers in her ears) "Lalala, I don't wanna know!"

Jay: Oh, he doesn't wanna know?

Jen: No, he does not wanna know! He's a fan, he doesn't want to...

Jay: Now, see I would wanna know...

Jen: You would? Why spoil the fun?

Jay: See I would want to make bets with friends and collect money.

(Both of them start laughing)

Jay: See, see, that's the way you do it.

Jen: Oh! I didn't think of it that way.

Jay: And he doesn't want to know?

Jen: No.

Jay: That's fascinating.

Jen: Yeah, it's sweet. (laughs)

Jay: Now, we have a clip now, the episode airing February 5th.

Jen: Yes, February 5th, in two weeks.

Jay: Is this a high-school reunion or...?

Jen: This is a flashback, you know, the way we do flashbacks, with Fat Monica, and Rachel with her big nose, and Chandler with his (puts her hands around her head) "Flock of Seagulls", we're, we've gone to Chandler and Ross are in college, and Monica and Rachel are crashing the party, 'cause they're in high-school, trying to be cool. They get a little drunk!

Jay: Right, let's take a look.

(They look towards the screen)

(Scene: Rachel is getting punch and Chandler comes up to her)

Rachel: (finishing the last of her drink) I am soo not going to do good on my SATs tomorrow.
Chandler: Well maybe if you go to school here next year we can totally hang out.
Rachel: (sarcastic) Oh yeah. There is a plan! Why don't I just start taking my smart pills now?
Chandler: Well, maybe you can get in on a beauty scholarship.
Rachel: (blushing) Oh, what a line. (walks towards the drinks table with her back towards Chandler and whispers "Oh my God!")
Chandler: So where are you applying to?
Rachel: Oh well, You know, I think it's kinda really important that I go somewhere where there's sun, so I'm sort of... (Chandler leans in and kisses her) (She pulls away) Hey!
Chandler: I'm in college and I'm in a band.
Rachel: (She considers it for a second) Yeah okay. (She puts her hands around his neck and they start kissing again)

(Back to the Tonight Show)

Jay: Cool. Now let's talk about Along Came Polly, you're very funny, in this picture, and you dance, you do salsa, are you a dancer, see I don't know this...

Jen: Well, as a kid, you know the Greek dancing thing, when we would, would go to big festivals and stuff, so it's...sort of similar.

Jay: What about, like, if you were going out or something, or is that something you do anymore?

Jen: No, we don't go "clubbin'"!

Jay: Oh, you don't go clubbing?

Jen: I sorta did that in my early twenties.

Jay: So, that's done.

Jen: That's done!

Jay: Did you know that you were a naturally salsa dancing person?

Jen: Somehow, well, you know, I had a couple lessons, I had two, or so, and I should've had more, but I kinda faked it. I had a great partner, so I had fun. I really like it. (Smiles) I love it!

Jay: Did you injure yourself or something? See I heard...

Jen: Oh no! Well, I broke my toe, you know, last year...

Jay: That would make you a bad salsa person.

Jen: Well see, you know, my feet looked like flank steak by the end of the week of salsa dancing. But, uh, thank God it was the first thing we shot and the opening, one of the opening scenes. I got through six days of salsa dancing, and so the rest of the film I'm limp - well, you don't see that I'm limping.

Jay: Well, let's take a look. This is a scene from Along Came Polly. Ben Stiller, you're like the kinda wild free spirit, and he's the uptight type guy

Jen: Yeah, the uptight guy.

Jay: Let's take a look.

(Scene: Polly's apartment, Reuben is lying on the bed, Reuben opens a button on his shirt and then opens the next button. He stops and closes the lower button, Reuben gets on the floor and gets in as many press-ups as he can before Polly comes out, she opens the bathroom door and he jumps back on the bed)

Reuben: Hey!

Polly: Hi.

(He lies down as she lies on top of him. They start kissing. The ferret stands up on it's hind legs and looks at them. Reuben moves his hand down and spanks Polly)

Polly: Did you just spank me?

Reuben: (Pauses) No. No, mm-mm

Polly: Are you sure. It felt like you just swatted -

Reuben: I have a little crick in my wrist, just a little (moves his hand around to show that he hit her by accident) hear that? Oh, I got it out.

Polly: Oh.

(They giggle and go back kissing)

(Back to the Tonight Show)

Jay: Cool. So that uh, does that work by the way? (moves his hand in a spanking motion)

Jen: What?

Jay: His friend, in the movie, say that if you give it..

Jen: "Give it a liiiittle tap."

Jay: Does that work?

Jen: Uh, for me personally? (Starts laughing) I don't know Jay. I don't know if I should discuss that here.

Jay: Alright, that means: Yes!

(Jennifer and audience start laughing again)

Jay: Jennifer, thank you very much! Say hi to your lovely husband for me, Brad! Along Came Polly's very good, good luck on Friends (getting up) Jennifer Aniston! Be right back with Clay Aiken!

(Jennifer gets up, waves bye to the crowd and walks out with Jay)