Jay Leno: Please welcome, Jennifer Aniston, everybody! 
 

(music starts to play as Jen walks out; she then hugs Jay and sits down as the crowd cheers)  
 

Jay: Good to see you. (crowd keeps cheering, so they both wait to say something)

Jennifer: Wooo! (claps her hands)

Jay: I know you're ...

Jennifer: That was quite a ride.

Jay: I know you just flew in from one of my favorite towns. I love Chicago. The best eating town.

Jennifer: Yeah, the best eating town. We had fondue last night.

Jay: Fondue? They sell fondue?

Jennifer: Yeah. I've never had it before.

Jay: Really? You've never had fondue?

Jennifer: No. That's just... it's wrong in every way. It's just cheese. And melted cheese and then you have cheese and you dip the cheese in the cheese and it just keeps going.

Jay: And you eat the hot oil, too, cause you need to get...

Jennifer: And there's the oil.

Jay: If your cholesterol numbers are low, it's a good way to make sure to ...

Jennifer: ... get them up there. Yeah.

Jay: Yeah. Exactly. Now you're working with Vince, Vince Vaughn. What's the movie doing? The Break... The Breaking Up?

Jennifer: The Break Up.

Jay: The Break Up, The Break Up, alright. Now how's that going? He seems like a funny guy.

Jennifer: He's a very funny guy.

Jay: He's a very funny guy, yeah. (Jen starts to smile sheepishly and the audience laughs) Now, see... he's an original guy?

Jennifer: Yes.

Jay: I remember, he was on our show the first, I think it might have been the first show we did, and he was on Swingers and usually when most people come on...

Jennifer: First show you did?

Jay: The first show he did, I'm sorry. First late night show, I think it was. And usually when people come on, they sort of look traditional. Well, here... here's... show the first time he was on our show.  
 

[clip from a few years ago]

Jay Leno: Vince Vaughn! Vince Vaughn. (Vince walks out in a cow costume, looking hilariously stupid; He even has udders and Jay pulls on them)

[clip ends and we see a stunned Jennifer still looking at the screen where the clip just ended with her hand covering her mouth] 
 

Jay: There was no reason for him to be dressed as a cow. (Jennifer tries to stifle the laughter that's welling up inside of her) I mean, it wasn't like he was in a cow-oriented ...

Jennifer: You know, some women like men in uniform . . . (audience and Jay laugh) No, that's funny.

Jay: You like your men like udders do you?

Jennifer: I don't know. (audience laughs)

Jay: Has he ever dressed up as a farm animal?

Jennifer: No! I've never seen that. No. No! He may have, I mean, obviously he has.

Jay: Okay, now there are all kinds of rumors. There are probably more rumors about you than any other... it's every day I pick up a ... the latest rumor is oh, oh... you're getting married at Oprah's.

Jennifer: Where? At Oprah's?

Jay: That's what it said.

Jennifer: Oh, Oprah. It's so nice of her. These rumors, though, Jay. Come on, there's too many of these rumors. They don't end. Are you ... don't you get exhau... do you get rumored?

Jay: No, I don't get ... I get stupid rumors. Mine are nuts.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Jay: Like, what's one? Give me another one.

Jennifer: You want another one? Oh, so many of them. Hey, you believed that rumor... me married to Brad Pitt rumor.

Jay: Really? (audience and Jay laugh)

Jennifer: I mean...

Jay: Oh, yeah. I'll give you that one, that's great.

Jennifer: They got a lot of mileage outta that one.

Jay: Some people believe everything.

Jennifer: Anything. Anything they read.

Jay: Now, you got a terrific cast in your new film, Friends with Money. Now, it's you, Catherine ...

Jennifer: Catherine Keener, Frances McDormand, Joan Cusack, Scott Caan, ...oh my gosh, they're just amazing.  

Jay: And you play a housekeeper.

Jennifer: I do. I play a housekeeper. I used to be a teacher and then that got just a little too hard and er, so... cause I drive up to, you know, a private school, and the children started throwing quarters at me because I'd show up in a beat-up, old ... whatever. So yeah, now I just have gone into housekeeping. 

Jay: You know, it's funny because one critic said, 'Oh, I can't imagine Jennifer Aniston as a housekeeper.'

Jennifer: I haven't seen.

Jay: People do that but you haven't always ...

Jennifer: I had people say it in the press junkets and stuff and... me holding a broom is a stretch beyond, you know, anything, yes.

Jay: Did you ever clean houses?

Jennifer: Yes, I cleaned. That was how I got my allowance. I cleaned the house and I got an allowance.

Jay: Were you good at...

Jennifer: I kind of got gypped on that ... I mean, I cleaned the whole house. You know, usually it's you do the dishes and you take out the garbage, mow the lawn, although we didn't have a lawn. We lived in a high rise.

Jay: Okay, so you didn't mow the lawn.

Jennifer: I didn't do that but I did everything else.

Jay: So, what was your allowance?

Jennifer: Ten dollars?

Jay: Ten dollars? I'll give you 20.

Jennifer: Really?

Jay: Yeah, in fact... No.

Jennifer: That was a long time ago.

Jay: Now are you a neat freak? Are you one of these types? (moves around like he's trying to clean something up very quickly) You seem like you might be one of these types.

Jennifer: I'm not like an OCD person although I maybe am now, I don't know. (she takes two of his sheet of papers and puts them neatly on top of each other) I like to ...

Jay: Why do you keep straightening them out?

Jennifer: I actually just started to...

Jay: No, see. Now, you just did that. You have to have two lines exactly the same. (Jen giggles and audience laughs)

Jennifer: I do. I clean. I like to clean. I don't... I like to pick up. I'm a picker-upper and I don't like to go to bed - who does? - with a dirty kitchen. I mean...

Jay: Oh, I have no problem with that at all. (audience laughs and Jen just looks at him) You know, you and I would hit it off great: "Honey, the kitchen's downstairs, it's filthy." (makes snoring sound and Jen and audience laugh) Well, we'll take a break. More with Jennifer right after this.  
 

[commercial break] 
 

Jay: Welcome back. Talking with Jennifer Aniston. Friends with Money is the movie. We were talking into the break about jobs. What other jobs did you have? You cleaned houses for your allowance. That's not a job job. What job jobs did you have?

Jennifer: A waitress, obviously.

Jay: Waitressing...

Jennifer: I don't know why "obviously" but... a waitress. And then I worked at a beauty... like a skin care treatment, as a receptionist. Then at an advertising agency, as a receptionist, receiving people. And then I worked at uh... oh, telemarketing. That was the worst one, that was right when I moved to Los Angeles.

Jay: Telemarketing?

Jennifer: Yeah, telemarketing. Selling time shares in the Pocono's. (audience laughs)

Jay: Now, you don't seem like the time share telemarketing... cause you have to be really aggressive.

Jennifer: Yes.

Jay: Did you have a speech? Like, the phone would ring and then (picks up a phone) Hello?

Jennifer: Hi, this is Jennifer. I'm selling, we're here... I have a great offer... I don't even remember how the hell it went. (audience laughs) And then the person would usually start to scream profanities and I would just feel instantly, instantly terrible.

Jay: You know, there's something about telemarketing that just makes people angry. Cause I'm pretty polite but when they call me at home, you know what's the best thing to do? I go like this, (picks up the phone from before) Oh, I'm very... could you hang on a minute? And I figure people will stay for a minute or two. Hang on, I'll get my wife on the other line. And I try to keep them for maybe 20 minutes and then I go, 'I know you're paid by the hour, I just wanted to waste your time.' And then they get mad.

Jennifer: (laughs) Jay!

Jay: There's something about telemarketing that brings out the evil in people.

Jennifer: It pisses you off. Look how much you gave over. That much time of your life to that little telemarketer. 

Jay: If I thought I ruined his day, it made it worthwhile. (Jen and audience laugh)

Jennifer: It made it worthwhile.

Jay: So, why did you take a telemarketing job. It doesn't seem like ...

Jennifer: You know what, I was going through the paper and that was... Listen, they make it sound really good, you know. It's for no amount of... you know, two hours a day, four days a week. You can make up from a hundred dollars to a hundred thousand dollars.

Jay: Wow, that's quite a range.

Jennifer: So, I thought - well, something like that - and I thought, 'Well, I wanna do that.' So... but I got more the hundred.

Jay: How long did you last?

Jennifer: I lasted two weeks. And then I got - by two weeks - I got a job, a television show.

Jay: Now, see... it's the ads that get you. I remember in college there was a place - "We're looking for actors, comedians, writers, singers, and performers for a special project." - so we all went up to Boston College and they rented an auditorium and they were like "Gentleman, would you please wait?". Like three hours. "We wanna show you a film". And they said, We need Actors, singers to sell : Echo Silverware! And the place just went nuts. People went crazy that we had been duped by this thing. It's sucked in by the...

Jennifer: You get sucked in, yeah.

Jay: Now, did you have any fast food restaurants? Any paper hat restaurants?

Jennifer: No, never did that. Oh, I'd never ... I'd weigh 400 pounds if I did that. I do love In & Out Burger. (audience cheers)

Jay: In & Out is like a cult thing in L.A.

Jennifer: It is.

Jay: Do you know the In & Out terminology? Animal Style?

Jennifer: Animal Style. Now, what is Animal Style? Cause that's not Protein Style.

Jay: No, Protein Style is burgers with lettuce wrapped around them.

Jennifer: And Animal is what?

Jay: I think Animal is onions and chili or something like that.

Jennifer: Chili?

Jay: And then it's four by four's, which is four patties and four cheese.

Jennifer: That's too much. That's just too much.

Jay: Maybe for a wimpy girl. (Jen and audience laugh) So, how often would you go to In & Out Burger?

Jennifer: I don't know. When the craving hits.

Jay: Now, did you ever do the bumper sticker thing? That's really immature.

Jennifer: No.

Jay: The bumper sticker says: In & Out Burger and if you cross out the B, so it says: In & Out Urge. (does macho-laugh and audience laughs) I said it was really immature.

Jennifer: Oh, yeah.

Jay: Hey girls, check out the bumper sticker. It's a little creepy.

Jennifer: A little bit.

Jay: I think Vince gave me that. (audience groans and laughs while Jen sits there and has a weird look on her face. Something between a laugh/smile and disgust) Now the movie, Friends with Money. Isn't that a slice of life kind of deal, right?

Jennifer: Yes, it's a very simple, beautifully written movie about these four women who have been friends for a long time and I'm the only one of the group who's not married, and doesn't have my life really together at all. And the others are married and you know, going through each of their own dilemmas. One has a marriage that is not really working, the other's is thriving and they have money and it's also about how issues of finances coming up - the discussions of it - how uncomfortable it can be...

Jay: And what is this clip we're gonna see here?

Jennifer: ... and so on.

Jay: Oh, this is the scene where you try to scam free stuff.

Jennifer: Yes, see it all got really bad for me in this movie.

Jay: You're broke and you're trying to get free cosmetics.

Jennifer: Yeah.

Jay: Okay, take a look.

Jennifer: Samples, I get samples.

Jay: Samples, right.

Jennifer: Cause I can't afford anything.  
 

[clip from Friends with Money] 
 

(Olivia is kind of stretching at a counter until a man shows up behind it)

Man at the counter: Hi, can I help you with something?

Olivia: I think so. Ehm, I'm looking for this lotion; I saw it in a magazine. Can't remember the name.

Man: Resolution?

Olivia: Maybe, I think so. Anyway, they said you were giving out samples. (man puts sample of "Resolution" on the counter; it's a really tiny sample)

Olivia: Oh, is that it? (looks at it) Thank you. You know what? Ehm, could I get one for my girlfriend? She had asked...

Man: Not a chance. (Christine, played by Catherine Keener, shows up behind Olivia)

Olivia: Hi! You're early.

Christine: Yeah, I had to get away from my stupid husband.

Olivia: (to the man) See, this is my girlfriend. Give her a sample. (man hands her a sample)

Christine: Thanks.

Man: You're welcome. (Christine and Olivia walk away)

Christine: Is this actually for me?

Olivia: Give it to me. 
 

[end of the clip] 
 

(audience applauds) 
 

Jay: Cool. Friends with Money, it opens April 7. Jennifer, thank you very much, I know you gotta run. Say hi to Vince for me, give him my best. (Jennifer stands up, they hug and she walks out)