Emmy Award - September 14, 2002

- “Oh my God! Wow! Thank you! I… I… don’t… well… oh boy! I just have to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart. This has been the greatest nine years of my entire life. To work with this cast, who make me better everyday, who inspire me everyday. Our writers, the most brilliant writers in television, and I wouldn’t be here, any of us would not be here without you guys. Marta, David and Kevin and our crew and Inger and craft services and my family, my dear friends who I love so much and who keep me grounded, and my husband, I love you so much! Thank you! Thank you very much!”

People’s Choice Award - January 12, 2003

- “Wow. Oh, wow. Listen, this is an unbelievable honor, it’s truly… thank you for loving our show, you know, for as long as you have. It’s truly the most fun thing that we all get to do and I thank these writers for writing characters that have lasted as long as they have and kept your interest as long as they have. And just when you thought we were done… But, ehm, I have an amazing cast that I’m so fortunate to work with and I’m just (at someone in the audience) aww, thank you! Well, I love you and I just thank you so much, this means so much. Thank you so much.”

Golden Globe Award - January 19, 2003

- “Oh my Gosh, I barely just got here. Jeez. Oh my Lord, I never expected this to happen. Thank you, Hollywood Foreign Press. Thank you. Wow, this is surreal. Er, okay, I have to thank these five people: Matthew Perry, David Schwimmer, Lisa Kudrow, Courteney Cox, Matt LeBlanc. I love you guys. You started out as my colleagues, and you’re my friends and my family. This wouldn’t even be happening if it wasn’t for what I learned from you guys every day. And, er, Warner Brothers, of course, and Martha and David and Kevin, our brilliant writers who just don’t ever stop being brilliant and I can’t believe this. That’s – I just thank you, from the bottom of my heart. I love my job and thank you. Thank you.”

People’s Choice Award - January 9, 2007

- “Woo! Man, I tell ya, lucky thing we did wear underwear, huh? Er… wow, hi! First of all, you know, thank you for loving The Break-Up – I did. (audience laughs hard at the unintended pun and Jennifer giggles, too) No… it was… truly just a fantastic experience and an amazing cast. And dear friend and fantastic co-star Vince Vaughn who’s so funny and talented. Peyton Reed. And I just, you know… You all have supported me since the days of Friends and just through – this is heavy (referring to the award) – just, you know, through all of it – the good work, bad work and the ugly. I just thank you for continually inviting me back, so thank you and I love you, thanks.”

Stand Up To Cancer - September 5, 2008

- “Over the past hour, millions of you stood up to cancer together. And together we’ve started something unstoppable. Tonight is a historic collaboration of three networks and the cancer community, but it doesn’t end here. Starting tomorrow, our scientific dream teams will begin working together sharing what they have learned to win this war against the ultimate enemy. And we are all here tonight because we believe we can make our dream of curing cancer come true. Because in our world, the boy gets the girl, the hero defeats the villain and cancer is no more. Please stand up one last time for the sixty people who died during the course of this hour; one per minute. This is where the end of cancer begins when together we stand as one. Thank you.”

Guys Choice Award - June 4, 2011

“These are my horns. Wow. Decade of hotness, huh? So that backs us up to 2001, right? Which is a good thing because I had some sketchy looks in the 90′s. Truly but anyway… listen, if this award means that I get to be funny and work with hot men like these three boys up here, then I will keep down-dogging until the fat lady sings. So I’d like to thank all of my DPs. I’d like to thank my yoga teacher and I’ll like to thank all photographers who are really good at their job. [someone cracks up at this] Woah, what are you laughin’ at? I know what you’re talking about. And just, you know, the Guy’s Choice Awards and being this side of 40, this is not lost on me. Thank you.”

Hand & Foot Print Ceremony - July 7, 2011

- “Oh, my God, this is a very cool thing! Oh God. Hi, first of all, all of these people that I love! These are my friends. I see my best friend from high school. We went to acting school together. Never thought this would happen, huh? Chelsea, I love you. Can’t believe I got you up before 12. On Hollywood Boulevard, without a bail bondsman here. You’re a true friend, honey, I love you. Bateman, what can I say? I’m just lucky to have you in my life and yes, our circle of friends has gotten smaller and I feel honored to have you and your beautiful Amanda in it. From years to come. Wha- I don’t even know what to say - What? (to some fans) Oh, I love you, too!
This is very special and I’d like to say to all actors: just continue to - what? - all actors who want to do this, it’s really, really fun but you really, really have to want to do it ’cause there’s all sorts of stuff that comes along with it. But man, I have to tell you, I never in my wildest dreams thought that I’d be sticking my body in cement. For good reason. And it won’t be my body, I promise, I’ll do it with grace, hopefully. But thank you all for coming, this is a huge honor and I will forever be trying to digest and be grateful, which I am. Thank you. And to all of you photographer people.”

Elle Women in Film - October 17, 2011

- “Reese Witherspoon! Ugh. I adore you. Thank you for those beautiful words. I forgot that story. I will now remember it and use it the next time I’m terrified which is right now. I even had, like - brought like - I was - nothing here, nothing here - brought a thing, here, this is my notes. That’s like three words right there. Uhm… I, God, I love movies. Seeing these clips and watching these extraordinary performances and these beautiful women and I’m just going to myself, ‘Ah, I just love what we do! This is so fantastic and I mean - just so many amazing women have, you know, come before me and all of us and have inspired me to reach the heights that I’ve wanted to reach and keep going. We’re still in the middle of it. Barbra… Barbra! I love you. I gotta tell you, that hair bit at the beginning..? If I had even slight balls, I would pull out every piece of fake hair in my head right now. And I would lay it out as I spoke to you. Oh, it’s caught on my tape. Anyway, you’d think - really glad it’s there, by the way. Uhm, but seriously. If I thought when I was a kid, in my living room in New York City, hair brush in hand, Barbra’s Greatest Hits on my plastic Sony turntable, willing my vocal cords to utter a single squeak that resembled something that would not shutter glass, I would have been grateful. But that didn’t happen. But other wonderful things happened and it’s just a wonderful, beautiful honor to be here in the presence of this women who are just extraordinary and I think it’s really one of the things I - cause I’ll be brief, ’cause I - anyway, I think what’s really important, what I keep thinking about is the - the - Naomi [Watts], you’ve said it really beautifully. It’s important for us to stay together and encourage and support each other and cheer each other as women in this industry. And uhm, I’d also like to take a moment to thank Sue Mengers who passed away this weekend who I had the amazing fortune of knowing in the many last years of her life who - talk about a trailblazer - was someone who at a time - now, we think it’s hard now being a woman in Hollywood - at her time, it was impossible but we have to continue inspiring and supporting and loving and encouraging each other because just for all the young women who are following in our footsteps and will someday be standing at this podium. And being able to feel as lucky - hi, Kathryn Hahn! I love you! Oh! Alright, okay, so just - this is what happens when you don’t prepare anything! Elle Magazine, thank you so much. God, Ask E. Jean. Is E. Jean [Carroll] here? No, right? She’s never here. That would be - I read it! Come on, you know you read it too. Well, anyway, thank you, thank you for the beautiful, beautiful honor. It really means the world to me and I - thank you.”

Walk of Fame Ceremony - February 22, 2012

- “Wow. That was amazing. Adam Sandler… I know that this is not something you normally do and I love you so deeply. Jackie - she did make it a good choice. And sweet Malin Akerman and Kathryn Hahn, my love and respect for you as talents, as girlfriends, as now parts of my life. I cherish you, thank you for being here and being so kind. Thank you to the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce. I cannot explain to you how surreal this moment is. This is crazy, I mean, literally. I mean, I’ve walked the streets of Hollywood Blv. - well, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, please. I don’t mean it like that. You know. And we’re, I think, gonna go on all fours too, so this could get really interesting but… truly, you know, born in Sherman Oaks, California, I am a California girl through and through and there was a - I’m sure this has always sort of been in the back of my mind and probably wasn’t even a dream - it was one of my wildest dreams, I don’t think I ever even thought this would be here, this day. So I am utterly humbled and grateful and to all of the fans who have come out today and supported me throughout my career. My family, my papa and my dear friends who are my family, who work with me who are my family, my fans are my family. All of you are my family. [at screaming fans] I love you! And you know, you’ve held me up and allowed this moment to even happen, so I thank you all for this and I love you all very much, so thank you to everybody and have a beautiful day! And this is a gorgeous day! Oh, and go see Wanderlust, opens this Friday. Oh wait, and Adam Sandler’s gum is here and I’m gonna put it on eBay.”