I usually don’t play the numbers game with Jens films, but it has gone beyond the absurd this time.

Actual Numbers are from Box Office Mojo.

UPDATED WITH ACTUAL - Tue, Aug 24, 2010

This is the actual order when the average per theater total is used instead of the gross:

You cannot compare the gross take of one film showing at over a thousand more theaters any more than you can compare the performance of a 500 horsepower engine to one with only 200 horsepower. It’s simple grade-school arithmatic.

Only $37.00 per theater separates the number 3 and 4 spots, a virtual tie for third place.

UPDATE: Difference between 3 and 4 is $101.00 using final weekend numbers.

If ‘The Switch’ had another 1000 theaters it would have finished with a gross of over 12 Million for the week end and landed in the third place.

The Switch didn’t under perform, Disney and Miramax dropped the ball.

And with a production budget in the neighborhood of $16 Million it made back half of its cost to produce in 3 days.

And yet you have US Weekly proclaiming “Jen Aniston’s ‘Switch’ Bombs at Box Office”.

CNN and the LA Times join in too:

The film’s shoddy opening weekend led several media outlets to pose questions like, “Jennifer Aniston: Exactly why is she a movie star?” and “Why don’t Jennifer Aniston’s friends help her more at the box office?”

All this is absolute nonsense. And the LA Times and CNN should be ashamed for being so superficial in their reporting, just parroting the tabloid press with the “poor Jen” headlines.

As to the Bill Simmons ESPN article that Patrick Goldstein of the LA Times quotes, Bill Simmons and his sources obviously get all of their Jen news from the likes of Star, Us Weekly and the National Enquire, the epitome of all that we have come to love about journalism in the 21 century; BS is entertainment and the LA Times and CNN are really just that, Entertainment.

The tabloid press ability to manufacture controversy out of thin air is business as usual, it’s expected and no one with half a brain takes it seriously. True to the current trend of the mainstream press using this tactic in their own fashion, Fox News and Ballyhoo Bill O’Reilly have decided to manufacture a controversy with comments made by Jen during “The Switch” press junket.

One would think Hollywood Life or Star Magazine was the producer at Fox “News”.

From the New York Daily News:

“Women are realizing more and more that you don’t have to settle, they don’t have to fiddle with a man to have that child,” she said, according to PopEater. “They are realizing if it’s that time in their life and they want this part, they can do it with or without that.” - Jennifer Aniston

Ballyhoo Bill said ( amongst other equally useless remarks ) that [Jennifer Aniston is ] “destructive to our society,” and accused her of “diminishing the role of the dad.”

Yesterday Jen fired back a response through People Magazine:

“Of course, the ideal scenario for parenting is obviously two parents of a mature age. Parenting is one of the hardest jobs on earth,” Aniston tells PEOPLE exclusively. “And, of course, many women dream of finding Prince Charming (with fatherly instincts), but for those who’ve not yet found their Bill O’Reilly, I’m just glad science has provided a few other options.” - Jennifer Aniston

Read more at: People Magazine

Bill O’Reilly needs to find a new profession and Fox “News” needs a new name. I’m thinking The Fox Gossip Network.

Amid all the silliness is a gem…

From The Vancuver Sun:

The last thing Jennifer Aniston really needs at this morning’s news conference is to hear about the tabloid media.

Yet the way she responds to one reporter’s persistent questioning shows how much of a class act she is.

It’s been a while since former husband Brad Pitt was lured away by Angelina Jolie, but it’s not yesterday’s news to the tabloids, which continue to find Aniston useful fodder for their monthly fantasies. But if the star of the forthcoming The Switch is feeling any pain over the situation, she has no intention of showing it today. Instead, good humour is her weapon of response.

Motherhood is the subject of the romantic comedy opening Aug. 20 - motherhood via a sperm donor - and now we have this one earnest reporter remembering what the tabloids were suggesting about her a few months ago.

“You remember those, huh?” Aniston responds crisply. “It’s powerful reading material, yeah.”

Seemingly oblivious to the underlying sarcasm, the hapless reporter presses on. Seems a tab had this photo of her clutching her tummy - enough for it to suggest pregnancy.

“Yeah. I have 13 children,” grins Aniston, who has yet to become a mother. Then comes a truly inane question: Do the tabloids affect her professional decisions about what roles to take?

Aniston doesn’t skip a beat in replying.

“I usually really try to steer away from making my creative choices based on what the tabloids are saying,” she says sweetly. “I would be really screwed if I did. But yeah, no I don’t. It’s all silly.”

Read more at The Vancuver Sun